I was having trouble with in grown hairs on my upper lip and other places so I shaved everything off my face to expose it to the elements for the first time in about 10 years. Aside from the fact that winter is the wrong time of year to part with your facial hair, I now look like a spanked babies ass with a big bent nose where the ass crack is supposed to be!
Now I was once upon a time what women refer to as a "hottie" "grade A beef" " a hunka hunka of burning love" In other words between my awesome charm and intuitive understanding and appreciation of the ladies, I was also a damn handsome example of steaming hot man meat. Well, the years have not been kind ladies. I am still charming as hell, love you women to pieces but I now have a face that makes small children cry and promise to be good.
Instead of a 265 lb. body builders physique I have a 285 lb. body of a laughing Buddha! I have scars that look like the secondary roads on a Rand McNally road atlas. I need my beard back. Of course, it is white so it won't begin to cover the massive amount of ugliness for several weeks! So this year I guess I will walk around and look like the grinch who stole Christmas.
Oh, did I mention I am bald. Not Vin Diesel bald. I come closer to Telly Savalas. I have hair around the edges that is also white so I bear a remarkable resemblance to a # 7 pool ball in some sets with white fuzz growing on it. A 7 ball covered in hair line cracks, to be more accurate! Now Mrs. Rat loves me so it doesn't matter where it really counts but I would be nice to be able to walk around without mothers grabbing their children close and security guards putting their hand on their mace.I am a sweet person, really, I just look like a escaped lunatic. You know, like I could snap and go on a rampage any second. The beard helps.
So in answer to the question you all want to ask. Hell No, I will not post a picture! The day I post a recent picture of myself on this blog will be the day I write my "goodbye and its been fun" post. Until then I will continue to be the alluring legend and man of mystery you have all come to know and love. I was going to write about the stuff I bought at the library book sale but my face started itching and I got distracted. You ought to see how I react to shiny objects! ha ha ha ha ah
anyway, enjoy your day. For those of you who are Christian cult members, say hi! to Jesus for me.