While I have been busy writing these recent batch of posts, other places on the internet I have been busy dispatching justice, settling long overdue Karmic debts and trying to balance the scales.
I do this not because I naively believe it will right any wrongs or bring about any change but my desire to leave the internet in no worse shape than I found it in back when I first made my presence known. 2007-2008.
I have accomplished little here. I was honest and shared my feelings. I acknowledged my many mistakes. I apologized to much. I thought I could point out flaws without enraging fanatics (a fool's quest). I am very disappointed with the experience overall.
I tried to use sarcasm as an effective tool to make my point only to discover that most internet readers don't recognize sarcasm. If I tried dissect some complicated idea into simpler to understand components I bored people. My posts would outlast the average attention span.
So expressing my thoughts have proven to be almost as difficult as trying to make yourself understood in a foreign country when you don't know the language. What is frustrating about this is I know of blogs where the author goes on and on, practically writing the opening chapter to a book and somehow manages to dazzle his audience with to be honest is eloquent bullshit. Obviously, a better writer than myself.
I could have stationed myself up on a pedestal and pretended to dispense knowledge like some Oracle of Wisdom but I chose to be honest and stay down here with the rest of you struggling to get through this life with a minimum of pain and confusion. Sharing rather than delivering a sermon. No pulpit here. Just a man trying to share his feelings.
It's days like today when I want to turn off the blog and wait patiently for 90 days until it disappears forever from Google's hard drives. I suspicion it wouldn't take 90 days to be forgotten in the minds of my readers. Just the rantings of some old fool who couldn't handle his pain.
The lies about me would survive with a life of their own. The distortions of the truths. The insults, the names. In the end the fanatics will win out , not because they were right, because they had the staying power to perpetuate their mad rantings. With the internet it is not who tells the truth who matters, it is who talks the longest.