I have to thank the teachings of the Buddha for enabling me to cope with what life has thrown at me. I won't bore you with the long list of "tragic events". I'm sure you all could make a list of your own. I acknowledge not handling things very well on occasion. I have been close to crushed several times. I know what the deep blue funky looks like. Depression and I are old friends.
I was raised in hillbilly country. Men don't cry and all that other macho bullshit. If you have feelings and you are a human being you cry! Maybe in private if at all possible but you do cry. I usually cry when someone I care about dies. But holding on to your pain, celebrating the anniversary of it starting will suck ever ounce of contentment out of your life and leave you a quivering , pathetic and angry creature.
We are all going to die. Everyone denies it. chooses to never bring it up. pretend like it is a long ways off. But knowing deep down that your meter is running should make you want to live a fuller life. Find peace and search intently for contentment. Acceptance is a good place to start. Somethings you have no control over and will never be able to change so why fret so? Just accept it and go on. Why continue to harbor hate? What does that accomplish? It is possible to forgive without having to forget.
I am not trying to preach with this post. I am just struggling with my feelings and trying to share what is going through my mind. Hell, maybe I'm wrong. It certainly wouldn't be the first time. Things change. Nothing lasts forever. I think it is Dolly Parton who said "if you want rainbows, you got to put up with the rain!" I am getting to where I observe what goes on around me without letting it affect me. I don't take everything personally. It has helped.