When the dark cloud starts rolling back out and a depressed person is once again able to eat and sleep and maybe see what tomorrow brings it is hard to describe. It's kind of like being a werewolf! the morning comes and you find yourself naked somewhere and you wonder what you did the night before.
In my case I wrote three blog posts to chronicle the experience and the feelings and shared some deeply personal feelings I don't really feel comfortable sharing. I never get past my overall disgust and contempt for people in general. I never pretend to suddenly care when in fact I don't. I live because my sweet wife of almost 24 years needs me. It gives me a reason to go on. Basically that is all I care about at this point.
This blog started when my wife went in the hospital after a series of strokes. She was going to die from stage 4 heart failure. They gave her more life with a newly developed biventricular ICD device. She has had it in her chest for 5 years and has 2 1/2 years of battery life left on the current one. Anyway, she was dying and I was going crazy so I started blogging so I wouldn't lose my mind. Most of the original followers are still with me and some of them have become dear friends.
After my wife recovered some what, I continued to blog because I enjoyed the break from taking care of my wife and I enjoyed having folks to visit with. Taking care of a severely ill person takes it's toll on you. Every little sound and your eyes open. I swear I don't think I slept at all for about a year. The blog became about my observations, things I was doing, things that interested me, things I found amusing. I didn't know I would still be doing it 6 years later. My wife is doing OK. She needs oxygen at night and is easily affected by pollen and dust. Overall her lung function has improved and she was also stage 4 with emphysema , she is stage 3 again. That is better.
Anyway, I am getting it back together and I guess I'll open up comments again. I will not respond to trolls and hateful people. I didn't die and there are those who wish I had. They go to church, can you believe it?
go ahead, talk to me.......